AB-306 ala Public Property Protection Act

Sacramento

The Golden State’s law-makers that serve in the Public Safety Committee met to discuss AB-306 or as it has been labeled the Public Property Protection Act.  This bill, introduced by Assemblymen Ivan Gomez-Lipshitz (D- Reseda) makes it a crime (Felony) to use deadly force, or the threat of deadly force in defense of oneself or others.  The philosophical underpinnings of the bill are based on the belief that people within the borders of California are in fact property of the State.  Since property can be regulated, the State has chosen to regulate the interactions between peoples.

“Our people are our resources!”  stated Assemblyman Gomez-Lipshitz during his opening presentation.  “Too many individuals have taken it upon themselves to act as individuals.”  “This needs to stop now!  I cannot tell you how many times my office has informed me that one of my constituents tried to rob someone… an act that itself is nothing more than a cry for help… and the person they were trying to rob did the unthinkable… they shot my constituent!  This needs to stop now!”

Heidi Washington “Aurora” Francis Snodgrass, a sociology professor at Cal State Van Nuys summed up the  prevailing sentiment among the pro-306 action committee:

“There is systemic racism, sexism, economic subjugation and generally bad behavior from privileged men and womyn.  (Ms. Francis insisted that the use of the “y” in “womyn” be used in her quote.  We explained that our spell checker would probably auto correct and she threatened us with a law suit.  Under advice of counsel we deactivated our auto-correct for this paragraph).

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“Allowing people to defend themselves means that their dependence on the State is negligible.  This is antithetical to California’s Progressive Values.  If everyone is property of the State, we kill two birds with one stone.  We move closer to Marxist ideology while at the same time allowing the state to further a progressive agenda.”

(We pointed out that her use of the idiom “killing two birds with one stone” was a patriarchal stereotype and evoked both violent imagery as well as being “speciest”.  She responded by ending the interview claiming that our push back was a “triggering event”.  She has threatened us with legal action for the emotional devastation she now is claiming.”

Lauren “Snooky” Gomez, the spokesperson for Gang Protection Now, an advocacy group for minority gangs that claim unfair persecution from privileged society, and an outspoken supporter for AB-306 had this to say:

“We love this bill!  Love it!  With all of these doctors, lawyers, and other rich people now packing heat, the playing field is starting to level.  We used to be able to feel pretty comfortable that we could do the things we needed to do to get the stuff we needed to get with little to no resistance coming from the people we needed to take them from.  Now when we go about our work… there is the real possibility that we might get killed!  This S@#$T has got to stop!  If people are told they can’t fight back, then it makes out job a lot easier, and a lot safer.  We know that the legislature is going to support this… we told them too.”

When pressed about the comment regarding the legislature Mr. Gomez explained:

“Look, we own those guys.  We are their constituents, not the people that live in their districts.  We provide the money, the man power, and when necessary the muscle to make sure that they stay there in their nice air conditioned halls.  We might not vote… but we make sure that the people that do vote, vote the right way.”

AB-306 is expected to pass the public safety committee and head to the full Assembly for approval.  Governor Brown has already signaled his willingness to sign it.

“This story is for all intents parody… all characters are fictional…. if you read this and lost your mind and spent hours googling the people in the story or the legislation then you clearly did not read to the end!”